Adult Children of Alcoholics: Healing From Childhood Trauma and Learning to Thrive

What’s more, children who had to act as parents to their own parents may go on to believe it’s their responsibility to take care of others, which can lead to codependent relationships. This can open up lines of communication that have been shut down, helping you and your family heal the ways in which you relate to each other. Learning healthy conflict resolution alongside loved ones can help your relationship function more positively.

Consequently, you might become more sensitive to criticism and rejection and have a harder time standing up for yourself. These feelings can affect your personal sense of self-esteem and self-worth. For example, if you couldn’t depend on your parent to feed you breakfast or take you to school in the morning, you may have become self-reliant early on. As a result, Peifer says you could have difficulty accepting love, nurturing, and care from partners, friends, or others later in life.

Lastly, if you are struggling with drug or alcohol abuse yourself, reach out to us. It’s possible to break the cycle of substance abuse and its impact on the family system. We offer evidence-based addiction treatment that addresses underlying issues like ACoA Trauma Syndrome and co-occurring mental health disorders.

It can be difficult for anyone, especially a child, to watch their parent(s) struggle with addiction. Because many young children oftentimes don’t understand what addiction is, they may view their parent’s inconsistent parenting or abandonment of them as the child not being worthy of their parent’s love and attention. Unfortunately, being raised by a parent who struggled with mental health and/or substance abuse issues increases the likelihood that an adult child will also experience these issues. Research shows that adult children of alcoholics have significantly higher rates of anxiety, depression, panic disorder, phobias, and substance use disorder. Individuals with adult children of alcoholic trauma syndrome may have trouble making and keeping relationships. This is because, from a young age, they experience a lack of trust, love, and attention from their parents, which can inevitably make that individual grow up to be distrustful of others for fear of getting hurt.

There are many reasons why young adults might feel like they’re still kids inside. A mental health assessment will help identify possible underlying issues. According to Bessel van der Kolk, seminal researcher in trauma, “Fundamentally, words can’t integrate the disorganized sensations and action patterns that form the core imprint of the trauma. The limbic system, which is part of the nervous system, regulates emotion. If a child’s limbic system becomes deregulated through living with the stress of addiction, it can lead to trouble regulating emotional states throughout life, which may contribute to depression. “I am bad” as opposed to “I did something bad.” Shame can be experienced as a lack of energy for life, an inability to accept love and caring on a consistent basis or a hesitancy to move into self-affirming roles.

• With the right support, individuals can break free from unhealthy patterns and embrace personal growth.
• Or you may be conflict avoidant, meaning you handle conflicts by pretending they don’t exist.
• Every month, 150,000 people search for addiction or mental health treatment on Recovery.com.
• We all, to some extent, cultivate a false self (Horney, 1950) for protection, but the CoA may become her false self and lose touch with who she really is on the inside.

FAQ: Common Questions About Adult Child Syndrome

• Traumatic experiences, including physical or emotional abuse, leave deep emotional scars.
• Because this is often a major theme for ACoAs, learning to feel and work through emotions healthily is a crucial step in the recovery process.
• Because they did not learn healthy relationship skills from parents or caregivers, they may have difficulty communicating effectively and expressing their needs to their partner.
• By addressing ACS, individuals can break free from unhealthy patterns and foster personal growth.

Or maybe you couldn’t confide in your friends or teachers for fear of losing your family or getting into trouble yourself. People and systems that are there to protect you instead become something you fear. Because so many children of alcoholics experience similar trauma, many ACoAs face similar challenges. Discover various childrens therapy solutions designed to support emotional and psychological development.

Common Traits of ACoAs

In addition, one-to-one therapy can offer the kind of personal attention and tracking that will help the ACoA to slowly form new, trusting bonds. The limbic system can become deregulated as a result of repeated toxic stressors. Because the limbic system has jurisdiction over our mood, appetite, sleep cycles and libido, deregulation in the limbic system can translate into a lack of ability to regulate our feelings, appetite, sleep or sex drive. Broad swings between states of emotional intensity and numbing are part of the natural trauma response. Many children with parents who struggle with addiction also experience feelings of low self-esteem or low self-worth.

Many who embrace recovery come to experience the journey of self-discovery, one of expansion into a new sense of self, self in relationships and meaning and purpose in life. If your parent with AUD is willing to attend therapy with you, family therapy can often help rebuild trust and pave the way toward healing. Maybe your parent was irritable, easily aggravated, or verbally or emotionally abusive while drinking or in withdrawal. Experiencing these behaviors from a parent can also wear down your self-worth over time.

Mental Health

Mindfulness practices, such as meditation and yoga, aid in managing stress and improving mental well-being. Self-care strategies, including engaging in activities that boost self-esteem and promote physical health, support overall healing and symptom management. Reflecting on your upbringing can provide insights into the development of ACS.

Healing from Adult Child Syndrome at Newport Institute

All of the characteristics we have discussed that can result from relationship trauma can create emotional, psychological and somatic disturbance and dis-equilibration. Self-medicating can seem to be a solution, a way to temporarily calm an inner storm–as it can make pain, anxiety and body symptoms temporarily abate–but in the long run, it creates many more problems than it solves. ACoAs all too often become addicts themselves, engaged in a compulsive relationship with alcohol, drugs, food, sex, work or money as a form of mood management. Part of getting and staying sober involves facing childhood pain so that it doesn’t remain unresolved and inwardly active, which could trigger relapse (van der Kolk, 1987).

Adult Child Syndrome (ACS) affects many individuals who grew up in dysfunctional families. Understanding this condition is vital for recognizing its impact and seeking appropriate help. By addressing ACS, individuals can break free from unhealthy patterns and foster personal growth. The parent is the one who “owns” the home, who is, or is supposed to be, in charge. If a parent is yelling at a child, telling the child that he or she is the problem, that if he or she would only change everything would be better, the child tends to believe it.

Mental health issues can be a symptom of adverse childhood experiences. Research suggests childhood trauma could double your risk of mental illness later in life. Your own addiction can increase your risk for mental health symptoms. Drug and alcohol abuse impact the reward center of the brain, and you can develop mental health symptoms as a result. Adult children of alcoholics (ACoAs) are people who grew up in a home with one or more parents addicted to alcohol. And while many ACoAs enter adulthood without any long-lasting effects,1 some people continue to experience problems stemming from trauma during their childhood.

When asked to tell their story in therapy, a client may draw a complete blank. For this reason I find psychodrama, which allows memory to emerge through action and role play, is an ideal form of therapy–if done properly–for trauma resolution. Van der Kolk feels that “if clinicians can help people not become so aroused that they shut down physiologically, they’ll be able to process the trauma themselves” (Sykes Wylie, 2004).

Growing up with a parent who has AUD can create an environment of unpredictability, fear, confusion, and distress, says Peifer. These conditions can adult children of alcoholic trauma syndrome take a toll on your sense of safety, which may then affect the way you communicate with and relate to others. “Emotional sobriety,”22 a term first coined by AA founder Bill Wilson, is what people in recovery gain once they learn to regulate their emotions. Because this is often a major theme for ACoAs, learning to feel and work through emotions healthily is a crucial step in the recovery process.