Have you had the experience of being super excited for a friend who just shared that they’re madly in love, until they tell you, “We finally get to meet in person next month!”
The most common response from friends is to feel concern. Meanwhile, love experts, therapists, and relationship coaches say that it’s not possible and that the love is a fantasy – an illusion or a projection.
The good news is, loving someone can happen at any moment, even online, even if you’ve never met in person, and even if they are 10,000 miles away.
This is critical because there are almost as many definitions for love as there are people. Defining love is a huge trap.
These often pop up in bathrooms, taped to a mirror. They’re sweet reminders, but also so much more than that. They are profoundly true.
And to fully understand how love can exist between people who have never met, you must understand that love is within you.
Love is your lifeforce. It’s why you’re breathing. It’s an undeniable source of your existence, even if you feel crappy, depressed, and as though the world is overflowing with insanity.
So, if we are love, then what does it mean when we proclaim that we love someone or something? What is truly going on when someone tells us that they love us?
What is truly happening is that the person with whom you’re connecting – in their ability to hear and respond to you – reflects your own ability to love.
This may be something that happens often in your life but is rarely described in a way that’s fully appreciated.
The greater truth is not that you love them, but who they are will remind you of how powerful your own love can be.
We may not feel love for all people, animals, or things, because who or what they are or how they show up does not resonate with us.
There’s no reflection because there’s no connection. Or, maybe the connection is challenging or disturbing. Instead of our hearts feeling full from the experience, we feel depleted.
What you’re really saying is that this cute, cuddly furball makes you feel so happy and alive (because that’s what puppies do), that you let loose this huge expression of love.
Someone new shows up in your life and their kindness, expression, and ability to talk and connect with you feel amazing. You feel amazing. You are amazing. You find yourself telling them you love them.
You genuinely love the person, the moment, and the thing because your heart and soul are ignited with the truth of your existence.
Before accepting a long-distance marriage proposal, sell your car, pack your bags, say farewell to your friends, and move across the globe to be with your heartthrob, know that love is not enough. It never has been and never will be.
Love certainly helps. It’s infectious, seductive, and just flat-out feels good. But you need more in a successful and healthy relationship.
He’s so kind and giving. He’s funny. He sends love letters and flowers. His eyes are only on you. He tells all his friends about you. He introduces you to people on social media. He’s a good listener.